Top 5 Things I Wish I Knew Before I had my Baby

I wrote this when my daughter was about six months old. Since then (she'll be three years old next month) I have had the opportunity to share what I learned with multiple friends who were nearing the arrival of their first baby.
I felt that there were many things that the baby books, and even other moms, just don't tell you. I kind of made it my personal mission to never let a friend of mine voyage into the world of labor and delivery without knowing what to really expect. While I fail in this article to mention the absolute necessity of stool softeners in preparation for the first post-vaginal birth pooping experience or the fact that pushing your baby out is a whole lot easier (mentally) if you have music on so that the sound of the music might drown out any...sounds...that may come from you while bearing down with every ounce of strength you possess, I think I've done a fair job of giving new moms (and dads) a heads up on what may not be common knowledge.
Good luck and enjoy!

 

Having your first child is an endless flood of new experiences. In pregnancy, your body, mind, emotions, and hormones change as often (and unpredictably) as your trips to the bathroom. Still, there are so many resources out there (books, websites, friends, chatty women in the check out line at WalMart) to give you advice and counsel. By the time my belly was barely showing, I was a pregnancy expert. At any given time, I could tell you how big my growing baby was in relation to various fruits and vegetables. I could fascinate you with facts about water retention, when and why my joints would begin to loosen more, and the best way to stand, sit, and lie down for baby and me to be most comfortable. You could have put me on top of a mountain and sent lowly and meek seekers of truth up to my craggy penthouse to learn from my great wisdom. I was a veritable fount of knowledge. I had even brushed up on (or, rather chiseled into my neural pathways) labor and delivery. I read everything I could, talked to every mother I knew, and watched countless videos of births on YouTube (which truly frightened me). I was ready. Or, so I thought. What I had failed to prepare for was what happens AFTER the baby is born. So, I have created a list of the Top Five Things I Wish I Knew Before I Had My Baby.

1. When a child exits your body, your body shows it. One look at the size of a newborn and the exit route and it’s pretty clear—it’s going to be one heck of a tight fit! I had expected that I would tear (which I did) and that I would need stitches (which took my doctor so long to do I thought he might be embroidering down there). It was during my post-labor shower that I received quite a disturbing shock. The trauma of delivery had left me very, very swollen (to the point that I felt I could better understand men and their burden of external genitals). I was too exhausted from the recent ordeal of bringing my baby into the world to really panic about the condition of my body, but it was still rather distressing. I definitely hadn’t read about that in my pregnancy books! The good news: after about a week the swelling was gone and everything was nearly back to normal (everything physical, that is!).

2. Breastfeeding done right is beautiful; breastfeeding done wrong HURTS! Some babies are born to eat. Get a boob in their general vicinity and they’re on it like a duck on water. I had this great picture of breastfeeding in my head: mother contentedly nourishing her child as they gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes. The picture of my reality looked a little more like a mother dreading when her baby woke up because her blistered, cracked, and bleeding nipples couldn’t take the torture of the little piranha. Basically, if you combine a baby who didn’t latch-on right initially and a well-intentioned nurse with some bad breastfeeding pointers, you’re left with a whole lot of “ow.” If I hadn’t already decided that the only thing that would stop me from breastfeeding was if my boobs fell off (and I thought that they just might), I would have called it quits before nightfall. But, I got help instead. I saw the hospital’s lactation consultant twice (before and after my milk came in) and she was able to get baby and me into the breastfeeding groove. It took a while before nursing wasn’t painful, but now I’m a pro (I’m actually nursing now as I type!). And I have had my own moments of contentedly nourishing my child as we gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes (and after the love gaze, she usually smiles as milk runs out of her mouth). My recommendation: try to have a lactation consultant with you at the very first latch-on (preferably within one hour of giving birth). Getting it right from the beginning can make all the difference.

3. Just because a 7 pound baby, hefty placenta, and other fluids left your body, it doesn’t mean you’ll leave the hospital any lighter than you went in. During the end of my pregnancy I would have these dreams where I’d have the baby and then look down and think “Oh, look, my belly is flat again. Hooray!” Needless to say, real life wasn’t quite like my dreams. Still, I figured that I’d be significantly lighter once I left the hospital. This was not so, either. I weighed exactly the same after I had my baby as I did the day before her birth. I’m still not sure how that happened (whether due to the IV fluids I received or my rapidly enlarging boobs, I don’t know), but it was a disheartening reality I was not prepared for. The weight didn’t drop off quickly, even though I was breastfeeding. I began to despair that I would never again be able to use my pre-pregnancy pants as anything but material for a nice jean quilt. The good news: About six months later I could wear my pants once again. It was a seemingly long wait, but now it’s like having a whole new wardrobe again!

4. It’s probably gas. Two in the morning and I’m walking around the room bouncing an inconsolable baby. She never cries like this; she is normally a very happy baby. But, here I am, so frustrated that I think I might start screaming right along with her, if I don’t pass out from exhaustion first. She acts like she wants to nurse, but screams after the first few seconds (is my milk really that bad?). I check her diaper—dry. Her onesie—tagless. I lie down, sit, stand, swing, bounce, dance, and try every other form of activity or inactivity I can imagine. She continues to wail. Then, my mind travels back to my baby shower (ala sitcom flashback) and I recall the bottle of Mylicon accompanied by experienced voices singing its praises. Mylicon! Where’s the Mylicon? I rifle through the cabinet filled with a dozen bottles of baby wash, lotions, and powder. Somewhere in the back I see it: the tonic of the baby gods. I squeeze the measured amount into my baby’s squalling mouth. She halts the rampage long enough to swallow. Ten minutes later she’s asleep, the serene look on her little face belying the horror of the past three hours. This general scenario has played out quite a few times, with Mylicon acting the part of rescuing hero each time (why I still don’t think of it first, I can’t say). What I’ve learned—if baby is clean, dry, and fed and still screaming, it’s probably time for Mylicon.

5. You don’t have to be perfect (or have a perfect baby) to be a good parent. I started out feeling so nervous about everything I did, everything my baby did, and what it all said about the kind of mother I was. If she did so much as squeak in church I’d rush her out into the hallway as though she had been screeching wildly. I wanted her to have the cutest outfits with the perfect hair and the nose that was always clean. I wanted to do it all right and to have others marvel at what a perfect little princess I had. But, babies develop their own personalities (and mine has quite a strong one). They pull the bows out of their hair, smear bananas on their brand new outfits, and babble and scream when they get the urge (usually in church for my little one). You learn to let your baby be a baby and not some idyllic model of perfection. And the time I didn’t realize she was so fussy because she had been poopy for over an hour (oops), or when I buckled her car seat wrong and the whole thing flipped upside down when I turned a corner (bigger oops), or any of the mistakes I’ve made thus far…the truth is, it’s okay. It’s a learning process. No one would expect me to play a piece of music perfectly the first time through (or the hundredth time though, for that matter!). Parenting is no different—it takes time, practice, and a little trial and error. What I’ve learned—loving your little one and keeping her safe and happy are the things that really matter. And, bless baby’s immature memory, she’ll probably never know about the little mistakes you make along the way :)