The Chipped Plate

I need to apologize in advance for the length of this post. However, it is something I've been meaning to relate and I don't want to leave out anything.

My pregnancy was a very difficult and tumultuous time in my life. I experienced stresses, both emotionally and physically, that were, at times, nearly more than I could bear. During this period of such instability, I was relieved multiple times by wonderful earthly angels who Heavenly Father used to answer some of the most fervent prayers I had ever prayed. One of those angels acted so selflessly and compassionately that her impact in my life must be shared.
I moved into my first single apartment about the same time that I found out I was pregnant. From the first time I talked to the apartment building owner, J, I liked her. Everywhere else I had called about renting had a huge waiting list or was just way too expensive for me. I figured that J's building would also have a huge waiting list because the prices were very reasonable. Still, I decided to give it a shot.
"It's your lucky day!" J told me when I asked about availability in her building. She said that someone had just backed out of a contract and, while she did have a huge waiting list, she wanted to help me out...especially since I was a teacher. I did some painting and cleaning in the apartment I was to move into so that I could forgo the security deposit as well as get in there sooner. Each time I met with J, I was so impressed with her bubbly, good-natured attitude. She was always very kind. I was glad to be renting from her.
Within the first few weeks of my pregnancy, I became very sick. Any time I would see J in the building, she would ask me about how I was and express her concern for me. Before my first trimester had ended, I had already had a PICC line placed and was receiving IV therapy every other day. I wasn't able to work as often or handle the busier shifts. My income was reflecting my limited abilities. J was so understanding of my situation. She was never worried about receiving my rent late. It was such a relief to know that I wasn't going to be evicted or harassed for being late with my rent.
I had already had a couple of extended hospital stays (one with a feeding tube) because of how sick I was. My body was having a rather difficult time keeping up with my growing baby's needs. It was also discovered that my little one had a tumor in her belly. There was now both the concern about whether my body would be able to carry her to full term as well as the new worry that she would need to come early to have a life saving surgery (the tumor ended up disappearing completely...yet another miracle and mercy). More stresses were entering my life, stresses that were not good for baby or me. As I neared my 7th month of pregnancy, my doctor gave me an ultimatum: quit your job and start taking it easier or be put on bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy. While I wanted to focus on keeping my baby well and be able to have time to attend all of the doctor appointments that were carefully monitoring baby's tumor, to quit my job would leave me with nowhere to live.
My bishop began looking for a family who would be able to house me for the remainder of my pregnancy and for a while after baby was born. I called J and told her the situation. She told me that she would sell my contract for me when I found a place to stay. When my bishop said he had secured a place for me, I told J that she could sell my contract right away. It seemed like everything was working out. However, while meeting with the couple who was willing to have me stay with them, I felt uneasy. It wasn't long into meeting them that it was discovered that they had misunderstood the extent of my housing needs. They would only be able to offer me a place to stay until the last day in April. My baby wasn't due until May 11th (and she didn't even end up coming until a week after that!). I was devastated. Sure, I had found somewhere to go for the next two months, but then I'd have the same "where am I going to live" problem with just a couple of weeks left before I was due to have my baby. I went home that night and sobbed for hours.
I called J the next morning and told her what had happened. I asked her if there was any way she could un-sell my contract until I could figure out something else. J told me, yet again, not to worry. The couple who wanted to buy the contract wouldn't need the apartment for another month yet. J told me to let her know when I figured out what I was going to do.
I went to work and tried not to cry as my mind raced through any possible solutions I hadn't yet thought of. While at work, my phone started vibrating. Normally, I would have ignored it, but we were really slow. I answered it to hear J's voice on the other end. She shared with me how her husband, K, had just come home from attending a session at the temple. During the session, K had accompanied a single sister into the prayer circle so that she could participate. After returning home, K had related his experience to J and expressed his overwhelming compassion for that sister and his desire to help single sisters, especially single mothers. J then offered to have me live with her family. She said that she and K had discussed it and felt that they were prompted to welcome me to their home. I stood in the foyer of my work and just cried. Yet another prayer had been answered. J asked me to come by her house that night and meet her family to be certain it was a good fit for all of us.
That evening I drove the four miles (it doesn't sound like a lot, but in Rexburg, it's a long way out of town!) out to her home. From the moment I walked in, I knew it was where I needed to be. Her house just smelled right. I know that probably sounds odd, but it had this homey smell that was so comforting. J had 3 sons and 1 daughter living at home. I would be staying in her oldest son's room as he was in college in Utah. I only met two of her sons and K that night, but it was enough for me. I knew this was where I was supposed to be.
I moved in on Easter weekend. J had bought me a pretty, pink maternity shirt and some socks. I felt so welcomed into their home. When I met the rest of J's kids, I was struck by a couple of things. First, all of her children were beautiful. She only had one daughter, who was just stunning. I felt like I was the waddling pregnant girl in the beautiful people house! Secondly, her kids actually liked each other. This was truly shocking to me. Not only did her kids treat each other civilly, but they enjoyed being with one another. They were friends. They played together, joked together, helped each other, and loved each other. Everything was perfect.
Very shortly after I moved in, I was called in to join a family meeting. J and K had sold the house and bought another one in the centre of Rexburg, right across from the high school. My heart sank. I just knew they were going to tell me that the new house wouldn't accommodate me. Before I had much of an opportunity to begin my internal freak out, J told me that there was the perfect room for me in the new house. It had been a mother-in-law suite and had tons of pink counter top and cabinet space. Not only was I moving with them, I was getting a bedroom upgrade! J told me the only catch was that I had to keep from going into labor until after we were moved in to the new house :)
The new house was wonderful. I had so much room to put away all of baby's clothes and have her crib, my bed, computer, and my rocking recliner out and still have loads of floor space. It was also walking distance from both my doctor's office as well as the hospital.
J was also the perfect person to spend the end of my pregnancy with. Not only did she have 6 children, but she had worked as a nurse. If anyone knew what I was going through, it was J! She was so wonderfully sympathetic and understanding of the aches and pains as well as the emotional instability of that last stretch of pregnancy. I loved talking to her and hearing her stories from her pregnancies and the young lives of her babies.
When my due date (Mother's day of 2008) came and went with no baby in my arms, she understood why I spent the whole day crying. My induction was scheduled for the next Friday. The Wednesday before my induction, J treated me to my very first pedicure. I felt so wonderfully pampered and loved as we sat in the massage chairs at the beauty college. I was so grateful that J cared so much about me. I was so excited to have my toes look so pretty for my little one's birth.
J would park in the farthest away spot when we'd go shopping so I'd have to walk more in hopes to start my labor. We even jumped on the trampoline with her kids to try and get that baby coming! J did everything she could to make encouraging baby to come fun. If laughing could induce labor, I would have gone into labor for sure :)
J and the family took votes on when I'd actually have the baby. They came and visited me while I labored (37 hours total) and then again the day after my princess was born. I don't think I have ever felt like I was wanted and belonged as much as I did with J and her family.
When I came back from the hospital, J was so doting and supportive. She even let my little T borrow her daughter's blessing dress. J was exactly what I wanted and needed at that time in my life. To say that she embodies goodness and charity sounds cheesy, but it couldn't be truer. I don't think I have known many others who are as selfless, kind, altruistic, and Christ-centred as that remarkable woman.
I have learned so many valuable and treasured lessons from J, aside from the fact that now I, too, can only feel my floors are clean if I scrub them on my hands and knees :) Some of the greatest lessons in parenting which I have adopted have come from J. As I stated earlier, her children enjoyed being with each other and enjoyed bringing their friends home, too. Many of the kids' friends call J "Mama F." There is no denying that she is magnetic and those who know her love to be around her. I wanted to know how she managed to raise children who were genuinely kind and wonderful and loving. Part of the answer to that came in a story she told me that has governed many of my actions as a mother.
I mentioned that J had born 6 children. However, only five of those have had the opportunity to progress past childhood. Her second to youngest child drowned when two years old. One of the most touching stories about her little boy happened shortly before his tragic death. J showed me one of her dinner plates that had a chip in it. She told me how her little boy had dropped the plate shortly before the drowning accident. J explained that, while she may have normally have been irritated to have one of her plates chipped, she didn't react at all harshly to the break in the plate. It had been an accident, and she knew that. Her heart was just so softened to her little boy and she didn't make a big deal about the missing chip in the china. It was very soon after this incident that she would hold her little boy for the last time. J expressed that the chipped plate was now her favorite one. It was a reminder of her sweet little mischievous boy. Her boy whose life on this earth ended so quickly. A reminder of her choice to love her child more than a plate, to not reprimand him or yell at him for dropping it. J told me how she felt that her children were so close, in part, because of what they went through in losing their brother. Her children understood, as many never do, that loving your family is more important than anything else. Her family knows that petty things are petty and life is too short, precarious, and precious to muddle it up with being upset over things that don't matter. The impact that has had on me and how I parent my own child is immeasurable. I want to be sure that if any moment were my last with my T, or her last with me, that I would not have any regrets. I don't think any mother ever looks back on her time with her children and wishes she had held them less or yelled more. I try to take every opportunity I have to enjoy my child and express to her how very important she is to me. I want her to grow up knowing that I couldn't imagine a more wonderful child. I want her to grow up knowing that she can talk to me about anything. I want her to want to bring her friends to our house. I want her to laugh with me and learn with me and just want to be around me. I want to be a mom like J.
As I look back on my pregnancy experience, I see the hand of the Lord so clearly. I see so much mercy and charity and service. I see so many potentially terrible experiences that were avoided and so many needs that were met. An immeasurable amount of those blessings came through one of the most incredible and influential women I have ever known. Thank you, J. For being the righteous and beautiful woman of God that you are. Knowing you has made me a better mother, friend, and servant of the Lord. I just love you :)